I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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