I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize