fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
