Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize