you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
