standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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