he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it glows. i had to have it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
