You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
