He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
