Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
