Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
