I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
40s are totally the cure
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
