This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
try to milk me bitch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize