Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
