TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
