i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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