oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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