Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
