he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
