If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
