Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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