A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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