your thong is hanging out like whoa
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
