he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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