So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
