More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
