if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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