...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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