I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
