Got a toothbrush?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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