There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
