i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
