i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
