that's an acceptable place to lick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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