am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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