but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
