Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
