God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
should my penis look like a turkey
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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