So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
