we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
