I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
