Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
