I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
