she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
