Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
