I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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