So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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