It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
