hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
