I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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