If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
