my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mom said you looked used
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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