There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
