Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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