Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
