Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out mid-signature
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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