Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
