ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
