using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
