it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
