hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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