Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize