we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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