i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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