Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
