My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
