He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
