How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
